How Much Snacks Per?

I came up with a fantastic band name--Mia Pharaoh and the Pheromones. It's the bit that keeps on giving, "ME, a pharaoh?" OK, all joking aside, let's get serious: never listen to my jerk of a step brother Gorgid. A friend was over discussing iPhone prices (including monthly plans) when Gorgs sauntered in, "What? I could get you two for like one fives that on Spadina Streets!" Describing Olympic events, his diatribes revolve around how "exhilarating" the commercials were, how he wishes they were louder, and how much "more genius Ben Mulroney is than the other one". I highly doubt he is comparing him to Brian, let alone another human. In fact, every time people discuss politics he interrupts them to ask things like "how much snacks per? You know... per." Nobody has a clue what he means. The funnest thing he's ever done was stand up and exclaim: "Hey everybody, do the Hot Dog!" with Rufus Thomas bombast. Unfortunately, the announcement itself tired him out, so he settled for a cat nap.

Ant Farm Keyboard

Mix party! I'll always link to free downloads, so if you haven’t heard Nina Simone’s "Revolution" yet, well...
1) DJ Moneyshot, Magnetic Fields Forever: tracks like Elvis's brilliantly blended with hip hop (& grab Mother's Ruin for straight rock too).
2) DJ Nuts, Cultura Copia: out of control Brazilian bangers.
3) J.Rocc, Taster's Choice, Vol. 1: a smoother Brazilian set.
3) DJ Muro, Hot Dog Breaks: I would like Muro to create the soundtrack to my life (and perhaps be played by Parker Posey.)
4) DJ Format and Mr Thing, Holy Shit: a funtastic , hilarious, life-affirming masterpiece.
Ps Song of the day/week.

“Honest Ed's no midwife... But the bargains he delivers are real babies!”

I really enjoy wearing stuff loved ones get for me. My favourite niece is currently making me a cardigan I plan on wearing eight days a week. And the other day I rocked a tie covered with golden lions a friend sent for my bday, paired with a set of vintage Met griffin cufflinks from my auntie.

When I was a kid I tried to convince her to listen to Ministry’s cover of Lay Lady Lay. Perhaps I should have gone with this one instead. She probably still wouldn’t have budged: we’re kind of a stubborn family. A friend just tried to convince me to come see a band called Soja. Her pitch? “They’re from Virginia and they’ve got sort of a reggae feel.”

Other listeners are more malleable. I went with a--ridiculously underrated--Elvis joint at karaoke on Saturday. The night’s host hates improvised* lyrics/stories, and I wasn't really playing to the audience (I followed “The Real Slim Shady” and “Don’t Stop Believing”) but my tirade against soapbox preachers, which focused on Brad and Angelina rumor-purveyors and went on to include the ipad and proroguing, was a still a hit.

*Great news re: Pizza Snack: they boys are improvising a pizza order & "snack" actually means jivetalking in Swedish (intentional double entendre?) I'll put up a transcript soon!

Snookie Goes to Bollywood

The confirmation email came in ca. midnight on Monday. Frantic, my friend RKR--he's been drumming in NY for a few years, but you can never really take St John, NB out of the boy--ran down to a mutual friend's: "my audition tomorrow is for Lady Gaga's touring band! Do you have anything cool I can wear... like something [Uncle Dorvid] would wear?" "What's a lady gaga?" our friend asked, before remembering he'd misplaced a shirt I had sent to his place (to save on shipping) a few months earlier. Sure enough, it turned up at the bottom of his closet, and RKR wore it throughout the 3-minute audition. Gags went with someone else, but we are all the better for it.

Another friend made the bold decision to quit a law firm gig to write children's books full-time, which is way cool but maybe not quite as cool as a dude a fourth friend met. "VICTORY!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air and ordering everyone to join him for a victory shot. He had just won an extended cellphone argument with his gf about whether her new male friend liked her. "I'm not the kind of guy to get jealous," he explained, "I mean, look at me: I'm a champ."

And, last but not least, Pizza Snack! I have no idea what the deal is, but I love it.

Post-Presidential Nicolas Sarkozy Projects (Brainstorm)

1) Recording Serge Gainsbourg’s entire catalogue with Jack White
2) Starring in a Little Nicky remake directed by (in order of preference) a Baldwin brother, a Wayans brother, or Zach Braff
3) Setting a world record involving pizza or hot dogs
4) Convincing Eric Clapton to rededicate “Tears in Heaven” to him (otherwise settling for “Wonderful Tonight”)
5) Starting a Guess Who blog
6) Writing cryptic missed connection postings for Rob Lowe on The Craiglist

Professione: reporter

What's the only thing better than a great story? A story within it. For Hamlet, the play's the thing. Velasquez's mise en abyme intrigues although it's entirely hidden from the viewer (we only see the back of the painted painter's canvas). Deathtrap is more bombastic.

I just saw The Passenger and yes, Antonioni is the coolest. Weaving through Gaudi's Palacio Güell, a girl he just met (Maria Schneider) tells Jack Nicholson's David Locke that "people disappear every day." He agrees, "Every time they leave the room."

Back in a fantastic London, Locke's estranged wife is trapped; obsessively watching documentary film he shot in Africa, she tries to piece the final act together. The ghost's camera is turned on him by her, a witch doctor, and us. It's revelatory.

Pride Is a Fool's Fortress

Break highlights:
1) Sage tea with dark chocolate.
2) Discovering the incorporation of the English-ish words coolly (adj. Wow, that is so coolly!) and excite (adj. I'm excite!) into Hebrew slang.
3) Israeli Ben Savage, a 17-year-old on all four legs of my trip who inexplicably became my nemesis. He seemed to enjoy a good stare down.
4) Mountain biking to sites like John the Baptist's birthplace.
5) My twin brothers' bar mitzvah (held here).
6) Just before his bedtime on the eve of my flight, my littlest bro sadly played "Dust in the Wind." His camera shyness is SEW outweighed by his cuteness.

The Bristol Stomp

1) These Boca 45 selections make me smile.
2) We've all heard (at least some of) Biggie's '94 Madison Square Garden performance . It's raw and moving, but you wouldn't put it on your Zune. This Brixton Academy show from the following year, however, is totally in the slideshow.
3) Beatles covers are a dime (US) a dozen but this two-hour mix by J3 is like WOW.

My Stupid Stepbrother

In the spring of 1916, Hugo Ball (pictured, right), read "Gadji beri bimba" in Zurich and Dada was born. Almost literally replicating the feat, my stepbrother Gorgid (pictured, below) just fashioned a cone for himself and exclaimed: "What irony, approaching sarcasm even, must we artists feel for our hollow, empty epoch?" He calmed down three junior mints and fifteen minutes later. I think he's reading the Doggy News on the porch with Marbles now...